WTF DO I DO NOW!!???

OK...so it's been months and months since I last blogged. Ridiculous. Yes. Shameful. No doubt. Frankly I couldn't care less and I don't even understand how people are motivated to blog so regularly. I find it difficult because as much as I enjoy fashion I'm not interested in blogging about it, there's a hundred million other places for that which I actually regularly check out. Some of the fashion blogs I go on are amazing and sadly I don't want to re-blog there stuff because it's lazy and a cop out. I've just had no desire to do so (yet anyway).

So what else could I blog about? Politics? Society? The recession? All fucking depressing and futile is the honest reason I don't.

So why the fuck am I bothering to blog now you ask? (I ask even) Because I've had enough. I'm totally pissed off. This could be due to a list of things, which I may or may not go into (I'll see how I feel) I might be slightly emotional and pms'd, that might be a reason. That definitely might be a reason...


Reason no. 1
There's the fact it's been over a YEAR since I graduated and I haven't found a job. So my mum and everybody else (but mainly my mum) is pissing me off about it.

Reason no. 2
I work in a shitty retail job that I could give two shits about. And now I'm going to have to work full-time because I can't carry on working 3 days a week and doing nothing for the rest of the time, hoping I find an internship or a job anymore.

Reason no. 3
I feel like shit. ALL THE TIME. I wish I was back in uni. Life SUCKS. Just my luck to have graduated just as this recession went into overdrive and students and young adults in general are completely in the shit.

Reason no. 4
I haven't been able to get anymore internships. So I feel like I'm going to be stuck working as a sales assistant for the rest of my sad little life.

Reason no. 5
I'm angry with my best friend...this is a long story and to be honest I don't feel like opening up about my entire life on the Internet, only bits and pieces. I don't hate her I just feel like we aren't best friends at the moment and I can't talk to her...

Look this could go on and on, really I could keep on going but it's not going to achieve much. This is just a rant. That's all it is. I can fully embrace that. My problem is I want to write. THAT'S ALL. I just want to write, be creative and yet I can't seem to be able to. I write poems and bits and pieces here and there but I just feel like I'll never be a writer/journalist. It would be simple if I just loved writing about fashion or beauty or politics. All the time. Just for the fun of it. But who am I kidding I don't. Don't get me wrong if I was being paid to do it I wouldn't have a problem but I'm finding it tough to write about anything. I want blogging to be fun for me, not work, not something to impress a potential employer (although it would be nice to do that).

I guess I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of my life AND no I don't mean that in the crazy suicidal way (I think that's way too attention seeking) I just mean it like I said it. I'm sick of myself. I know I'm lazy, obnoxious, careless and frankly hopeless. I honestly know this and I have a long way to go and much to learn but I just need for something to change, I need to make some shit happen...